my

leg hurts. or maybe my heart. or something. it is weird. i want to be able to relax, and have the confidence i once had, but confidence is slimming more and more as the days wear on. i really want to be able to design with a ferver, but i doubt that will happen soon, and it is weird to be working on freelance projects that are not working out for me. i am always waiting on someone to do their part. you know what i mean? where are the pictures, dimensions, etc. etc. i cannot get something done unless i have the stuff needed. honestly. i can't get dressed without clothes. how can i design without the key pieces needed to be in there? seriously

okay- gorgeous day here. burned my knees and feet in the sun today. people moved into the apartment below. i feel bad b/c i wish i would have known no one was there before. i was trying to be quiet before... but now i feel like i have to be even more quiet. that is disheartening. seriously. no more dancing like the chick in flashdance anymore. (i'll never have the bod she did!)

ah well- someday things will fall into place

peace